Wednesday Wisdom

Autumn Leaves

So a few other bloggers have done this thing where every week, amidst their other regular stuff and yummy food, they just get to talk about random real life and rainbows if they want.  And they make it routine.  Like Jess, from How Sweet It Is. I didn’t know we were allowed.  Thanks Jess :).

Right so, every Wednesday I’m just going to throw down some real talk about things that’ve come to my attention since last hump-day. You’ve been warned:

1. Sometimes Antibiotics are ok.  Mostly if you think that you’re never going to be healthy again and your snot is lime green.

2. Beware of the bum-hole-in-your-mouth taste that accompanies antibiotics.  Most doctors are wary of warning you, “Oh hey, and if you aren’t constantly eating, you might taste bum-hole.”

3. Cashew based desserts make me very upset. They are ALWAYS the beginning of an evil, evil cycle. First I see a creamy looking awesome vegan dessert on tastespotting.  I’m up for a challenge.  Everybody is ranting and raving about said dessert. I click on this dessert and the main ingredient is cashews. This inevitably leads to the first, and sometimes only recipe instruction of “Take out your food processor..” and then I throw a fit and slam my macbook screen closed. Except I don’t because that’s rash. I instead sob pitifully in my mind wishing I had a food processor with every ounce of my being.  I then sob pitifully in my mind for being such a loser for wanting a food processor so damn bad. Then I need a dessert to make me feel better. Then I look on tastespotting.. can we see where this is going?

4. I sometimes think in egg-language. Yeah. It’s this language where you insert the word egg after the first consonant of every syllable of a word. Br-egg-itt-egg-an-egg-y. I wondered today during dinner, “Why the *insert profanity* are you thinking in egg-language Breggittegganeggy?”. I looked down at my hand in which lay a freshly poached egg on toast.

5. PSA: Public Squirrel Announcement.  If you are a squirrel, it is to you that I am referring. When I run along the canal, it is not because I am a squirrel-hunter, hunting squirrels. For future reference, I am just a badass running lady full of fitness who likes to run, so save the heart-attacks.

6. Oh and another thing.  If I was a squirrel hunter, that whole running away from me toward me thing that you are all always doing, might not keep you living.

7. While on the running topic, but not for squirrels, always smile at the old men that you pass. Especially if it’s raining like lake Ontario is trying to move to Ottawa via air currents.  We all need the smiles.

8. The CBC done something right when they made Being Erica.  That, or my auditing homework sucked so intensely that everything else looked awesome. But that’s not true. The show has time travel. Yes.

9. I don’t know who keeps invading my feelings and Pinning them on this website, but HOLY Jumpins. I feel like someone just exposed my secrets.

10. If the way a fella eats an apple says anything about the way he handles a lady, please nobody make out with the guy who sits in front of me in Audit I. Horses eat apples more gracefully sir.

11. If you can’t remember what you had on the plate, Don’t lick it.  You might think it was that coconut bar, but it could be covered in left over salt and pepper. Surprise.

Well… it’s been the first of hopefully many installments of Wednesday Wisdom. If you come back next Wednesday I’ll know that we’re pals.  Or you feel sorry for me, so you clicked on the facebook link anyway.

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8 Comments

Filed under Mundane Shenanigans, Wednesday Wisdom

8 responses to “Wednesday Wisdom

  1. Mom

    Hi Brit! I like it – and…wouldn’t it be Brittegganeggyegg?

  2. Freya

    I revisited my laughing fit from last nights talk about bum-mouth. Thank you for helping me realize my true maturity potential which–it turns out–is equivalent to that of my 9 year old cousin.

    Lauren: Poopy-butt-butt-la-la-looby!
    Aunt Suzanne: Lauren, we don’t need to hear such profanities.
    Me: (halt uproarious laughter, remain silent)

    Why is potty humour so funny? Because I am 5. And insane.

    Also, another wisdom gained from staying at my Aunt’s over thanksgiving: If you see something white, creamy, and seemingly-delicious being whipped in a bowl, it is not always going to be whipped cream. Sometimes it is soap. Soap that is being used for aforementioned 9 year old cousin’s potion making party… soap is gross when you eat it. Also, it takes a long time to rinse out of your mouth, so I recommend always asking before trying.

    Please continue with Wednesday Wisdom, I’m hoping it will up my maturity level to something closer to double digits… then again, it might just help me to accept my maturity fail. Either way, I enjoyed this post.

  3. J-net

    Haha, you completely made my day!
    Also, I think that flavour warnings should occur on all medication. It’s the sportsmanlike thing to do, really.

  4. Andrea

    Is that a black squirrell I am seeing?!

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